I Am Intense or In Layman’s Terms: A Social Misfit

15 Jun

I am intense in everything I do. If I am laughing, crying, loving, whatever the case, I am intensely involved in what I’m doing. I can multi task and be intensely focussed on multi-tasking. It’s a good attribute to have, however, there are drawbacks as well.

I am and can be too intense. People are put off if I am too intense about child sexual molestation. I lay it out there. Mostly on twitter and mostly statistics. That really bothers me.

Statistics are good. I LOVE statistics. They are a measuring stick and we need one. Our measuring stick is currently buried in the abuse that continues.

However intense I am. I accept me. I’m ok with my intensity. If no one else needs to hear my passion, I do.

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6 Responses to “I Am Intense or In Layman’s Terms: A Social Misfit”

  1. duffy1958 June 15, 2013 at 4:14 pm #

    When I was growing up and was sexually molested for so many years, I was completely and solely on my own. I didn’t have anyone, even though I had siblings, a mother, grandparents, father, who were not my abusers. I didn’t have anyone because the secret and shame builds HUGE walls.

    From the time I was four until nineteen, when I left the state of Oklahoma, I was never safe. For those fifteen years I was hyper-vigilant. Intense.

    I couldn’t just walk into a room. I still can’t. I HAVE to “surveil” every situation I walk into.

    I have a cat that I love so much. She is like me. She never, just goes outside. She sits at the doorway and “surveils” the outside before she steps out. I give her time. Usually however much she needs. My daughter thinks I’m ridiculous! Whatever.

    • duffy1958 June 15, 2013 at 4:26 pm #

      Recently my husband and I were going to visit a friend who was dying. It was the husband of a couple we have been friends with for several years. Lovely, lovely people. They are older. 70’s?

      Anyway, it was his time. We are Christian, so was he. We are solemn but reverent at this time. We are OK with passing.

      I was getting ready to go visit our friends Glen and Kathy. What do I wear? I always, always dress for the “occasion”.

      Kathy and Glen live on a beautiful piece of property, vey rural. Very Zen. THEY are very “ZEN” people. Lovely.

      So as I’m dressing and considering what to wear, it’s winter and I have a choice of boots. Can I just tell you I chose the boots that “just in case” something happened I could run or kick ass?

      I am 54. I was abused YEARS ago. Intensity WILL NOT leave me so I accept her and invite her to aide me in my endeavor to see people free’d from abuse, sexual or otherwise.

  2. thelionthatroared June 16, 2013 at 6:26 am #

    I am this intense/passionate in everything also. What to call it depends on who’s asking. But I value that part of me because it is the part that yearns to be heard, to connect, to be free. I’m not for everyone, but I think my loved ones think I’m pretty cool šŸ™‚ Aways nice to hear there’s another like soul.

    • duffy1958 June 16, 2013 at 2:43 pm #

      Part of my “loved ones” are having a very difficult time seeing the relevance of the passion I have towards expelling our family secrets. They think we all just need to get over it. I am. In my way. I’m struggling with not getting intensely angry with them. I accept them, but of course I should, they are the WELL adjusted ones. They re-write history if it suits them and it is usually at my expense. I recently attended my mothers “celebration of life” services. The presiding pastor gave the services. I just about fell out to hear them describe my mother as a single parent. I was 8 when she first was with my stepfather and 10 when she married him. He was a child molestor and over all sexual predator. She didn’t acknowledge he was these things while she was alive but in her death, she didn’t want mention of him. I call it guilty knowledge and you know how well that goes over.

      I’m the ride or die chick and if people need one, they find me or I them. It will be the person who has the most far out true story because I know they really happen. I lived it. I know there are others like me.

      Have you ever noticed how people can be afraid they will “catch” something? They can’t listen to painful, sordid stories. It’s too painful. I will listen. It’s not too painful or sordid if it happened and you need for SOMEONE to say that was NOT ok.

  3. duffy1958 June 16, 2013 at 4:24 pm #

    Reblogged this on Duffy1958 and commented:

    My voice AND your voice are important

  4. Jeanine A Thriver March 8, 2015 at 6:24 am #

    I love you, and your intensity. and your just love me the way I am attitude. That is strength. I admire it. I hope some of it rubs off on me.

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